Awkward without Gordon

Gordon Ramsay portrays himself on his TV shows as the most demanding of chefs and restaurant owners in terms of food quality, presentation and service. The guy has several 3-star Michelin restaurants and is very successful. How could I go wrong at his NYC location? But I'm getting ahead of myself and giving you too much sense that things aren't all that I expected them to be.

You enter the London hotel and take a right into the diner...I mean the London Bar. It just looks like a diner. It is sort of confusing because I guess they also have another restaurant called Maze. So you have the bar, Maze and the formal Gordon Ramsay dining room. We sat and I ordered water and wife order...uh-oh...TEA!! Tea is usually ordered at the end of the meal, but she likes tea so she ordered it as her pre-dinner drink. Who cares? Just shut up, don't ask us if we are sure we want tea and bring the damn tea! If she wants to drink tea like some psycho with every course of her meal, who cares? We got there 20 minutes before 5:30 (Saturday, 6/16/07), so I figured I could drink my water and her the tea before dinner...but then the woman comes and seats us at 5:20. OK.

So my wife calms down a bit when she realizes that the formal dining room is nicer than the diner outside. It is mirrored and dim inside. People walking their dogs pass by the windows and gawk. How cool. The first waiter comes by and comments how it is strange to drink tea now because that's usually at the end of the meal - actually, I think it was the same server from the diner part. Fortunately they quickly banished her back to the diner where she belonged. My server came over - a youngish female from Russia I think - somewhere in eastern Europe - either from a country that appreciates the USA building a missile defense system in their country or from one that thinks it is a sign of war and threatens to redirect their nukes at our allies. She was nice enough and I felt bad when I asked her to get a gentleman to push my wife's seat closer. She responded with glee that she was strong enough to do it herself. I'm not a sexist, but I just didn't want her to have to do it - good for her, more power to her. Also, I didn't do it myself because that would be a little odd. I'm serious - when you go to a place like this and pay this kind of money, these people are at your beck and call! Thats the whole point.

So we decided to go with the Menu Prestige (tasting menu) and we were going to get wine. They don't have an official wine pairing list, but the Sommelier insists that he will pick half-glasses for each course for some undisclosed price. Great...I love getting price raped. So things seemed to start off well enough with the amuse bouche. A mushroom based morsel, goat cheese on a cracker and a wonton with some seafood inside. All very nice. Not excellent but nice. Gives you a sense of the level this place is operating at.

One thing that kind of gave me another foreboding sense that Gordon still has some work to do here - they left the door open to the dining room so I could hear the clubbish music to Maze (the casual room) outside. I don't want to see those people or hear their music. I wanted to be transported out of the reality of my life to someplace else where I am rich enough to own my own fossilized dinosaur eggs and a collection of medieval weapons. So I asked a manager type if the door would be closed for dinner and he said yes, but he looked at me like I asked him to cut out his liver and wrap it up to take home for my cats. He went over and did it but I didn't appreciate his attitude.

After this was a sorbet on a watermelon and blood orange salad. Very fresh and a nice cleanser. First course was tiny portions of foie gras with chicken and truffled quails egg. All very nice. It's 3 little portions...the little one with FG and chicken was the best. The quail's egg was ok. I couldn't help but thinking back to a recent episode of Man Vs.Wild where Bear at a whole raven's egg, shell and all! The wine was very nice as well. I'll cut to the chase and say that all the wine was OK except for one really outstanding one - more on that later.

The ravioli of tiger prawn with fennel cream was nice. I wish it was a little more substantial, but the flavors were very nice. The pasta was well made and the prawn was fresh and delicious. I thought the fennel cream went very well with the pasta. Next was baked fluke with almond crust and champagne veloute. It sounds awesome - I love almonds and the taste they bring to food. This was so bland and forgettable. I ate it and experienced nothing. It wasn't bad by any means - it just wasn't anything fantastic. I come to a place like this and demand that every course be a burst of flavors in my mouth and a wonderful experience...nothing should be dull.

The next courses, the meats, began redeeming the place. My wife's pork dish was phenomenal. One piece was like high-end bacon and the other was a piece in minted peas. Awesome flavors and very fresh tasting bacon. Meaty and just the right amount of fattiness and crispiness. Vegetarians who don't eat meat because they think it is cruel are sad. Yes, Ive seen slaughterhouse footage and I don't care - God told me himself that he wanted me to eat all the pigs in the world. Yes, he did. I ordered the cannon of lamb with crusted potatoes. I heard it was Gardon's signature dish so I asked the server. Look, if I'm wrong tell me I'm wrong, but dont look at me like a monkey and grin and say you aren't sure and that maybe it is his signature dish. Go find out and let me know. Jeez. Anyway, it was very good. The wine that wifey got with her pork was EXCELLENT - Rioja Riserva 2000 'Vina Alberdi' by La Rioja Alta. It had such a unique smell and taste unlike anything I had before.

So I saw the dessert trolley and wanted it closer to me. I love dessert trolleys. I like that you can get as much as you want and try to make up for how much you are paying at these places. But our server smiled and said that Monsieur (me) was getting too anxious and dessert was first. Out came her caramelized pienapple with crystallized cilantro - she said it tasted like baby food. I had more fun picking 5 cheeses with the server - he helped me made some delicious selections that I had never tried before. Goat cheese, hard cheese, , strong, mild and a blue cheese. All wonderful. I thought this was my dessert, but I was happily mistaken. However, the break between cheese and dessert was LONGGGGG so I can be forgiven for thinking it was over. They cleared the table and no one seemed to notice us. Our table was right in the center and they just seemed to go around us. very annoying.

Finally came our chocolate desserts - it was a delicious chocolate fondant with a creme de menthe flavor. Excellent - my wife didnt like it so I ate her's too. I ordered some coffee. The pitcher with the cream was so friggin hot! Why was it hot?!? I didnt say anything but I almost burnt my hand pouring it. I wanted to throw it at the person who prepared it and injure them. Why would the cream for my coffee be hot?? That makes no sense. Then again, this place is so awkward that I shouldn't be surprised.

Finally came the dessert trolley with the nice guy who did my cheeses. We picked one of everything and it was all pretty good. We asked for more little candies. They brought them. I asked for a copy of the menu and Jean Baptiste brought it in a nice purple bag. Overall, this place isn't 3-stars yet. The food isn't there yet and while the people seem eager in some sense, it seems to be all movement and no action. It's all very awkward - it isn't natural. They need more time. I'm sure it will continue to improve but when you are going to charge these prices, I want it flawless from get go. I can go to many other places, pay this price and get excellent everything. With tax and tip, the damage was $444. Turns out the wine prices weren't so bad. I suggest going somewhere else, probably spending less and getting a better experience. Come back here when Gordon is in the kitchen and on top of things or next year perhaps.